The Sky's the Limit
Last Thursday, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) proposed a change to its existing regulations in order to better enforce a law that bans "obtrusive" advertising in space. Spokespersons for the FAA declared that oversized billboards set in low Earth orbit could keep astronomers from doing their jobs.
Pardon me, FAA, but I beg to differ. Not only should we be putting billboards into space, we should be putting as much other stuff up there as humanly possible. The space around the earth is like our front yard, and everyone knows that front yards look their best when they are filled with statuary and other objects. In fact, I think every person on earth should have the opportunity to send at least one thing into space every year (a project that would require extensive coordination by NASA and its worldwide counterparts). The chosen object would be left up to the individual's discretion. Some might send family heirlooms or a copy of their favorite novel to be preserved in the timeless vault of zero gravity. Some might send their particularly obstreperous children (glad this option wasn't available when I was a child). Some would just send up their yearly accumulation of trash, encapsulated in some sort of impenetrable dirigible-sized Glad bag that hasn't been invented yet. Eventually, the skyscape would come to resemble an ever-changing Jackson Pollock painting. I like that. People could gaze at the sky, like always, but instead of feeling compelled to muse on the nature of the universe...blah blah blah, they would be able to look at what is essentially a snapshot of the human soul. The objects in the sky would be nothing if not a direct representation of what we are and what we value.
As an added bonus, they might help shield us from incoming meteors, forming a protective wall of detritus off of which these flying hunks of stardust would simply ricochet. Sure, we wouldn't be able to see much of the stars anymore, including our old pal Sol. But really, what did Sol ever do for us, anyway, aside from providing gravity, photosynthesis, warmth, light, and aqueducts? (Wait, I think the last one may have been the Romans.)
Think it over, FAA. That's all I'm asking. The sky's the limit.
Comments are closed.
Comments have been closed for this post.
Comments
1 I would really rather not say. said January 14, 2010 at 9:38 p.m.
If advertisers are only thinking about low Earth orbit they are thinking to small. I personally can not wait until a true Madison Ave luminary has the testicular fortitude to go after every super villains true prize. Of course, I am thinking of the moon. More specifically I am thinking of a neon advertisement for a casino proudly proclaiming that the (insert casino name here) has the loosest slots in the Galaxy.
2 Karen said January 14, 2010 at 9:38 p.m.
Ha, I love it! It's terrifying and, probably, inevitable. But it's also kind of beautiful, at least in the way that you can admire the delicate feelers on that giant mutant insect just before it gobbles you up.