Top Ten Things Bush Would Have Had to Do NOT to Be Re-elected.
Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:50 CST
#10. Convert to Shinto.
#9. Be caught with a little boy.
#8. Publicly acknowledge his blood bargain with Lucifer.
#7. Sell the Statue of Liberty to Colombia for a couple kilos of Bogota's finest.
#6. Host a pharmaceutical company shopping spree at the Federal Reserve building.
#5. Die.
#4. Use the Force to strangle his top admiral on national television.
#3. Accidentally nuke a third-world nation out of existence, then blame the mistake on intelligence failures, then shrug the whole thing off with a good-old Texas guffaw.
#2. Kill the firstborn son of every family in America.
#1. Trick question. Apparently, Bush could do any of these things and be re-elected. Way to go, America. You make me real proud.
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Comments
1 Frank said January 14, 2010 at 9:37 p.m.
I think #9 wouldn't have worked. Just look at what happened to Michael Jackson... These days the first one is free! Now if he'd been caught with two little boys Kerry might have had a chance. :)
2 Dave said January 14, 2010 at 9:37 p.m.
merde, merde et merde! (if you'll pardon my french)
Oh well, I suppose we should have seen it coming. Back to terrorism of a people by it's government for another four years I guess.
Oh, and please try to avoid that existential fugue. Your presence is a sort of reminder that there are sane people in the states. The rest of the world needs that right now.
(not to mention that I'm addicted to your unique writing style!)
3 Karen said January 14, 2010 at 9:37 p.m.
Thanks, Dave. I hope people do realize that a hell of a lot of Americans don't agree with Bush's vision of what this country is about. We are just as alarmed as you are by Bush's blind fundamentalism, and by the fact that so many of our fellow citizens seem to agree with his doctrine of agression and repression. What Bush did was appeal to people's emotions and fears, which turned out to be much more effective than appealing to their sense of reason. So now we're back to unjust wars, marginalization of certain groups (especially homosexuals and--let's be honest--women), and 80-foot Jesuses who demand that their flock produce a million dollars immediately or else they'll strike down some evangelist. Yippee.
Now about that fugue, mine has definitely been in D minor. I'm thinking of having a frontal lobotomy (which is better than a bottle in front of me any day).
4 Dave said January 14, 2010 at 9:37 p.m.
I know what you mean by appealing to emotion and fear. The french right-wing parties do the same here. That's why the left wing parties, with sensible ideas about social security, unemployement and other boring things get less votes than those who make politics into one endless party. Its frightening and annoying at the same time.
Concerning the frontal lobotomy (I also considered it after the last french presidential elections), I can only recommend readingwww.michaelmoore.com/">http://www.michaelmoore.com/ . He points out some interesting things.
Stay with us. The rest of the world isn't as anti-american as a lot of media seem to say. Its just bush we're against ;)